2009/06/23 Tue, cloudy, outdoor 33-32°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：巫士修行者

我們的新札記快無力為繼，可能我看書失去摘的興趣，再者，感受跟我修行有些脫節。所以凌晨我拿出 Florinda Donner-Grau，她的 Being-in-Dreaming，我們之前任何一個時期都沒有好好摘過，我們重新從這裡看能不能找出一點修行的靈感與體驗出來。這本書看的人不多，更沒人有興趣翻譯，原因可能是她真的寫的不知所云，但是我們重點不是放在暗戀卡斯塔尼達的嬌小的 UCLA 人類學系學妹，而是看看穿插其間的唐哲那羅和唐望說了些什麼。 

這本書的封面就是著名的「巫士之家」， 塔夏莎跟小佛琳達兩人書的背景都在這裡，這是被歷代巫士意願出來的房子，連樹跟狗都是巫士的一員。小佛琳達曾描述該屋裡沒有一面鏡子，當然這跟做夢不准看鏡子一樣，不僅做夢不能看，醒時也沒有一面鏡子可看，據稱我們每天看鏡子也把自己限定住了，所以巫士不使用鏡 子，也沒有自我重要感需要關切面子。

書的封面最上面兩行是卡斯塔尼達寫的推薦序言：

"An account 說明 as engulfing 捲入 and mysterious as the subject it depicts 描寫: the traditional training of women sorcerers 巫士in don Juan Matus's 唐望 world."—Carlos Castaneda

所以這本書全文叫：Being-in-Dreaming: An Initiation into the Sorcerers' World，這個 initiation 用語有點意思，加上 into 是加入、入會儀式，藏密用的灌頂則是傳授、啟蒙之意。翻開首頁是句「For all those who dream sorcerers' dreams. And for the few who dreamt them with me.」我們當然是屬於第一類：who dream sorcerers' dreams，但什麼是巫士之夢呢？

這本書首刷於 1991，小佛琳達說到跟這批巫士結緣開始於 1970，「That first meeting had a long-rang, overpowering effect on me. It introduced me to another world that coexists with ours.」（Author's Note）小佛琳達繼承了老佛琳達的名字，因為她是小佛琳達個人的 mentor and guide，而小佛琳達跟其他同夥之所以用 sorcerer 這個詞彙，並非她的選擇，因為她自己也討厭這字帶來的負面指涉，「Brujo or bruja, which mean sorcerer or witch, are the Spanish terms they themselves（其他巫士前輩） use to denote a male or a female practitioner.」既然名之 practitioner，那麼修行道途就十分清楚了，跟南開諾布稱行者為 practitioner 一樣意思。

But the sorcerers themselves put me at ease, once and for all, by explaining that what is meant by sorcery is something quite abstract: the ability, which some people develop, to expand the limits of normal perception. The abstract quality of sorcery voids automatically, then, any positive or negative connotation 內涵 of terms used to describe its practitioners.

Expanding the limits of normal perception is a concept that stems form the sorcerers' belief that our choices in life are limited, due to the fact that they are defined by the social order. Sorcerers believe that the social order sets up our lists of options, but we do the rest: by accepting only these choices, we set a limit to our nearly limitless possibilities. .（Author's Note）

根據巫士所說，這個限制只在我們一般社會這一邊（social side）生效，而另一邊則是 a practically inaccessible side，因為其不屬於我日常知覺領域，而巫士行者所做的就是發現另一邊，這些都跟大圓滿所講的內容十分相近。「Sorcerers acknowledge that in our world of daily affairs there are people who probe into the unknown in pursuit of alternative views of reality.」很多人誤以為巫士練習只是去其他領域或實相探險，但這是唐望說的不過是選擇其他世界赴死一樣，唐望也稱必須節制探險的沈迷，也就是沈迷於 unknown reality，而小佛琳達結語說道：「sorcerers do accomplish the magnificent task of breaking the agreement that has defined reality.」我想這也是驗證此世間並不真實存在的一項自我探索的道路。

以上是修行二十年的小佛琳達對此書的作者前言。

2009/06/24 Wed, cloudy/raining, outdoor 27-32°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：做夢只能行動無法思考

我們進入《Being-in-Dreaming》第一章。跟塔夏莎一樣，小佛琳達也是由前行引導像釣凱子釣美眉一樣，一步步把人帶到「巫士之家」，塔夏莎的嚮導是克萊拉，小佛琳達的嚮導則是德莉亞（Delia Flores），參閱《老鷹的贈予》唐望同夥巫士成員介紹，兩位都不是主角，也就是不是一線成員，即便如此根據兩書的描述，修行底子也有一定程度。德莉亞在《老鷹的贈予》被歸類為潛獵者，屬於艾密力圖的南方家庭。

Obviously, Mr Aureliano 唐望另一化名 doesn't have that many wives. All of us here are bound together by our struggle, by our deep affection for one another, and by the realization that without one another nothing is possible.

We belong to power. My companions and I are the inheritors of an ancient tradition. We are part of a myth. （Being-in-Dreaming, p. 32）

德莉亞在一開始釣上小佛琳達時便講述女巫士性觀點，特別是外人會以為唐望擁有許多妻子，就跟卡氏會被以為跟女巫士同夥性交同住一樣。塔夏莎的《巫士的穿越》也提到性交的能量事實是使女人成為男人的能量供應者，這裡德莉亞則說：

The kind of war I'm talking about is between a slave and the master who thinks that he owns people.

As a woman, you should understand that plight (of man) very well. You have been a slave all your life.

You might do (making love) as you please, but you’re not free. You are a woman, and that automatically means that you're at the mercy of men.

Sex befogs women. Women are so thoroughly befogged that they can't consider the possibility that their low status in life is the direct end result of what is done to them sexually. (Being-in-Dreaming, pp. 6-8)

以此觀點來看，能量小器鬼的巫士，要沈溺於性交是不可能的事，特別是現代人幾乎都是無聊的性的產物，如唐望所說，巫士們將沒有多餘的能量可以拿來做愛。女人的自由首先在於免除於性交，德莉亞諷刺現代豪放女認為「A fuck a day keeps the doctor away.」事實上仍不能免除 being fucked 的奴隸命運。小佛琳達宣稱擁有選擇性伴侶的自由，德莉亞駁斥道：

Choosing your partner does in no way alter the fact that you're being fucked. To equate freedom with sex is the ultimate irony. Men's befogging is so complete, so total, it has zapped us of the needed energy and imagination to focus on the real cause of our enslavement. To want a man sexually or to fall in love with one romantically are the only two choices given to the slaves. And all the things we have been told about these two choices are nothing but excuses that pull us into complicity and ignorance. (p. 10)

小佛琳達看準德莉亞這位結實的印第安女人年過半百了吧，當然無權談論性愛，德莉亞看穿她的心思說道：「My physical desire are not behind me because I'm old, but because I've been given a chance to use my energy and imagination to become something different than the slave I was raised to be.」（p. 10）這部分的性交奴役女性議題便到此結束。我只是很好奇， 「七年清潔戒」（註一）滿了後會有什麼感覺？會不會突然擁有大筆的能量回籠？Well, that's see.

潛獵者跟做夢者 initiation into the socerers' world 的待遇還真是不一樣。塔夏莎被克萊拉半騙來「巫士之家」一開始作客還有臥房睡，等到宣示入會後（答應留下來），當晚就被五花大綁掉在樹上，從此開始睡樹屋，目的在於脫離地心引力的束縛，一直等到她能夠「巫士飛行」，她才第一次叫門，房間裡全是唐望同夥巫士，但她控制不住自己，一飛不知道飛到哪去了。等到技術更好後之後她才跟巫士成員會面。小佛琳達一開始則就跟所有唐望同夥巫士夢中相見，還在夢中跟她解釋「We are all dreaming the same dream.」，當然是巫士成員幫她夢了一個夢，她自己還不知道呢：

"We are essentially dreamers. We are all dreaming now, and , by the fact that you are brought to us, you are also dreaming with us." She went on to explain that what was happened to me was moor like an extraordinary dream where all of them were helping me by dreaming my dream.

"We are all dreaming the same dream." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 33)

解釋的女巫士不知道是哪位，不過她跟小佛琳達強調一個重點是：「It was because in dreams we are not rational. In dreams we can only act.」（p. 33）

來看一下第三章。德莉亞既是潛獵者，對於誘騙新門徒當然有一套。這是從她要跨越美國、墨西哥邊界，搭上小佛琳達的便車開始。在通過邊界檢查哨時，駐警竟然完全忽視這個人的存在，只跟小佛琳達要證件。當晚他們入宿旅店，小佛琳達從小就被夢魘所困，當晚也做了活生生的噩夢，夢中被人掐住脖子，半夜驚醒時脖上還有勒痕。她受不了這個古怪的旅店半夜三點收收東西要走，正好遇到德莉亞，德莉亞便說要帶她去見一位治療師。來自委內瑞拉的德裔家庭，小佛琳達對治療師或巫醫非常友好感，決定開車同往。

於是他們來到有點破舊的巫士之家，德莉亞領她到一間有四個門的等候室，只交代她可以在床上小寐一下，她去找治療師要花點時間。小佛琳達偷偷打開四道門除了看到《巫士的穿越》中那隻狗巫士外，沒瞧見什麼人，開車也累了，她躺著便睡著了。第一個夢她夢到一半人身高的治療師：

"Are you the healer?" I asked.

"I'm Esperanza," she said, "I'm the one who brings dreams."...

"I'm remove the cause of your nightmares now." she said, ...."You're asleep," she reminded me, "I'm the one who brings dreams, remember?" (pp. 19-20)

這位 Esperanza 就是蘇麗卡（Zulica），Esperanza 是她的 dreaming body, the other self。

2009/06/27 Sat, cloudy/raining, outdoor 34-28°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：做夢（dreaming）有目的，普通夢沒有

我們還是來摘小佛琳達初遇 Esperanza，她不囉嗦馬上解釋什麼叫 dreaming 的內容。自從夢中被 Esperanza 治療夢魘後，小佛琳達醒來要德莉亞帶她去見那位治療師。這段內容據稱小佛琳達並沒有在睡覺但是處於 dreaming 狀態。之前小佛琳達認為跟治療師被治療及跟其他巫士成員夢中野餐是個夢，德莉亞說：「Those are not the dreams I am talking about. Those are ordinary dreams. Dreaming has purpose; ordinary dreams don't have any.」（pp. 37-38）但她同意普通夢確實幫助維護心智健康，但仍強調做夢（dreaming）有一個目的，而普通夢沒有。她說：

"Dreaming has always a practical purpose," she declared. "It serves the dreamer in simple or intricate ways. It has served you to get rid of your sleeping maladies 病. It served the witches at the picnic to know your essence. It served me to screen myself out of the awareness of the immigration guard patrol asking to see your tourist card."

"What you can't see yet is that you, yourself, can enter quite effortlessly into what you would call a hypnotic state. We call it dreaming: a dream that's not a dream, a dream where we can do nearly anything our hearts desire." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 38)

以上說明穿越邊境時守衛為何沒看到德莉亞，以及小佛琳達的夢魘，還有與巫士的夢中野餐。德莉亞說這些並非魔術，「Sorcerers are in the world without being part of the world.」處於塵世卻不屬於它，這也是卡氏在《戰士旅行者》中唐望對他說的。小佛琳達是位天生的做夢者，可以不費力便進入做夢狀態。接下來他們在廊道遇到 Esperanza，她跟小佛琳達說：「You are dreaming, but you are not asleep,」（p. 43） Esperanza 要小佛琳達不准發問——因為她還沒能力去瞭解，她開始解釋這些是如何發生的：

She said that she was the spiritual descendant of sorcerers who lived in the valley of Oaxaca millennia before the Spanish conquest.

"As it is for me, the part of those sorcerers' activities pertinent to you is called dreaming. Those sorcerers were men and women who possessed extraordinary dreaming powers and performed acts that defied the imagination."

She said that millennia ago, men and women were the possessors of knowledge that allowed them to slip in and out of our normal world. And thus they divided their lives into two areas: the day and the night. During the day they conducted their activities like everyone else: they engaged in normal, expected, everyday behavior. During the night, however, they become dreamers. They systematically dreamed dreams that broke the boundaries of what we consider to be reality.

"Using the darkness as a cloak, they accomplished an inconceivable thing; they were able to dream while they were awake." (Being-in-Dreaming, pp. 44-45)

我在這裡停頓了會兒，才發現有兩個 asleep 和 awake 需要加以釐清。第一次見 Esperanza 時，她跟小佛琳達說「You're asleep.」（p. 20），第二次見則說「you are not asleep」，這裡區分了小佛琳達有沒有在睡覺；而上段解釋做夢（dreaming），則是「to dream while awake」，合起來就是 dreaming awake。凌晨我想 awake 是屬於後位修飾形容詞，跟 alive 一樣，因此翻成「清醒做夢」也沒什麼不對，不一定要像我硬拗成「如夢般清醒」。不過以小佛琳達第二次沒在睡覺但在做夢狀態，那就符合「如夢般清醒」的定義了。

Esperanza explained that to be dreaming while they were awake meant that they could immerse 深陷於 themselves in a dream that gave them the energy necessary to perform feats 技藝 that stagger the mind, while they were perfectly conscious and awake. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 45)

Esperanza 開始長篇說明做夢的知識來源，以及女人做夢的力量泉源。

She said that the origins of the sorcerers' knowledge could be understood only in terms of a legend. A superior being commiserating with the terrible plight 困境 of man—to be driven as an animal by food and reproduction—gave man the power to dream and taught him how to use his dreams.

"Legends, of course, tell the truth in a concealed fashion. Their success in concealing the truth rests on man's conviction that they are simply stories. Legends of men changing into birds or angels are accounts of a concealed truth, which appears to be the fantasizing or, simply, the delusions of primitive or deranged minds.

"So it's been the task of sorcerers for thousands of years to make new legend and to discover the concealed truth of ole ones.

"This is where dreamers come into the picture. Women are best at dreaming. They have the facility to abandon themselves, the facility to let go. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 46)

Esperanza 也就是蘇麗卡說教他做夢的老師可以 maintain two hundred dreams，我不知道這句話動詞 maintain 何意？不過這不是指每月可以記得兩百個夢，maintain 就像維護網站一樣，可以維護兩百個夢，意思說隨時可以進入任何一個夢場景中繼續前夢，那可就厲害得緊呢！奇怪，Sherman 搞來的做夢第七關的最後三關怎麼沒有提到維護百來個「夢網站」的能力啊？

2009/06/28 Sun, cloudy, indoor 29.4°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：做夢修行從去除我執開始

什麼叫維護夢？Esperanza 說「to maintain a dream meant that one could dream something specific about oneself and could enter into that dream at will」。「Women are peerless dreamer. Women are extremely practical. In order to sustain 維持 a dream, one must be practical, because the dream must pertain 關於 to practical aspect of oneself.」例如 Esperanza 的做夢老師最喜愛的夢是夢到自己是隻鷹（hawk），另一個夢則是成為貓頭鷹，她可以夢到自己是任一個，「and since she was dreaming while she was awake, she was really and absolutely a hawk or an owl.」（p. 46）

She further explained that in order to accomplish a dream of that nature, women need to have an iron discipline. "By an iron discipline I don't mean any kind of strenuous of them."

"The secret of a woman's strength is her womb 子宮. Women must begin by burning their matrix. They cannot be the fertile ground that has to be seeded by men." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 47)

關於女人力量的秘密是子宮，在《老鷹的贈予》拉葛達的陳述中已有說明，這本書沒有進一步的描述。不過通常女做夢者睡前可以將手置於子宮位置，施加一點壓力，但是我覺得生養小孩頻仍的女人將沒有太多做夢能量。

"In order to be a dreamer, I had to vanquish 征服 the self. Nothing, but nothing, is as hard as that. We women are the most wretched 不幸的 prisoners of the self. The self is our cage. Our cage is made out of commands and expectations poured on us from the moment we are born."

"I thought, like yourself, that I was free. For me to understand the sorcerers' way—that freedom didn't mean to be myself—nearly killed me. To be myself was to assert my woman-hood. And to do that took all my time, effort, and energy.

"To sorcerers, on the contrary, understand freedom as the capacity to do the impossible, the unexpected—to dream a dream that has no basis, no reality in everyday life. The knowledge of sorcerers is what is exciting and new. Imagination is what a woman needs to change the self and become a dreamer." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 48)

跟佛法一樣，修行從去除我執開始，小佛琳達在本書一半篇幅都在潑辣反駁這、賭氣反駁那，不然就是覺得受傷或遭污辱，唐望巫士同儕輪番教育她，因為她雖然有做夢的天賦，能輕易地滑入做夢狀態，但她脾氣很壞，自我防衛甚強。只是不知道為何這樣也能 dreaming awake，還不會摻雜自我的投射幻影？Esperanza 說如果不能成功地消除自我，只會讓女人過普通的生活，這是每個人的父母都為自己設計，遵循社會與期待與傳統規範。

為什麼子宮是女人做夢力量來源？「The secret of a woman's strength is her womb. Women dream with their wombs, or rather, from their wombs. The fact that they have wombs makes them perfect dreamers. The womb is the center of our creative energy.」（p. 49）因為製造生命跟製造夢都是來自同樣的器官，但 Esperanza 說這件事很難令人瞭解，是啊，難道男人用陰囊做夢嗎？根據《老鷹的贈予》男人的做夢能量中心在肋骨下方。

第三章最後說明，巫士傳承者經過幾番歷史折騰，新看見者決定「that their knowledge should never again be passed on to their descendants or to people of ther choice but to those selected by an impersonal power, which they called the spirit」（p. 50），這意思是說由力量來決定巫士傳承的繼承者，而不是藉由人為選擇或自己子嗣，這也是卡氏、卡蘿提格、塔夏莎、小佛琳達進入巫士世界都是像是被誘騙來的一樣，根據巫士前輩所說，是「力量」（spirit）把這些新門徒吹向他們。

四五六章都是廢話，看得很累也沒重點。小佛琳達我個人認為她除了有做夢天賦外，巫士寫作顯然不怎麼樣，這還是她巫士生涯二十年後寫的，適時上可以去掉冗長的跟卡氏認識在 UCLA 初識的經過，不然簡短說明也可以。塔夏莎就明快一點，直接進入教法的核心。

 2006/06/23 06:21PM

2009/06/29 Mon, sunny, outdoor 34-32°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：Spirit pointed you out to me

小佛琳達自稱是 an extremely light sleeper，所以不會睡得跟「狗」一樣——這裡用狗不是豬。唐望對女門徒而言不叫唐望，而是 Mariano Aureliano，或前面加個 nagual，他這麼說小佛琳達：「When you are dreaming, you are a much better being, more appealing, more resourceful.」（p. 55）我一直在想德莉亞說「in dreams we are not rational, in dreams we can only act」，但我相信是並非絕對的，我確實有在夢裡思考然後想明白的，就是我以為發生了天大的事，結果我發現只是個夢，讓我心都快要粉碎性骨折——對應於秋竹師父說「心臟長骨」這種說法。

接下來跳過的這幾章我概述一下。事實上是老佛琳達先發現小佛琳達的，然後她一直能夠知道小佛琳達的情況與身在何方。一次老佛琳達出席小佛琳達參與的 party，接著她派遣德莉亞去潛獵她前來「巫士之家」（witches’ house），然後幾位成員集體做夢，夢出小佛琳達的夢，裡頭包括唐望跟唐哲那羅，還有克萊拉等女巫士。隨後小佛琳達看完治療師 Esperanza 治療夢魘後打道回府，其實她一年多前就進入 UCLA 唸人類學，她在學校附近山坡碰到卡氏，卡氏後來被唐望唸說沒有注意到幾個徵兆，這位新 nagual 並沒有認出組員，而唐望說是他把小佛琳達吹向卡氏的。

直到後來小佛琳達參加一場卡氏的演講，人家說那是鼎鼎大名的卡斯塔尼達時，她才發現是山坡上遇到的 Joe Cortez，她以為卡氏騙他假名，事實上她自己也給的是她小學同學的名字。後來經過跟卡氏月夜下一席話，「卡氏」終於看透她，他這裡用的英文叫 see through her，卡氏對她說：

"I just happen to see through people. Not all the time and certainly not with everybody, but only with the people I am intimately associated with. I don't know why I can see through you."

"That was a fine display of the spirit," he murmured. "And it was for you. The wind, the leaves spinning in the air in front of us. The sorcerer I work with would say that that was an omen. Something pointed you out to me, at the precise moment I was thinking that I'd better leave. I cannot leave now." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 82)

前頭唐望也說是力量指出她來，巫士門徒是力量揀選的，說起來像是上帝親挑的一樣。嗯？我們第一次會見上師有什麼力量徵兆嗎？可以好好 recollect 一下。當小佛琳達說不記得集體做夢中的印象：「I have no recollection of having talked to anyone.」，唐望也說：「Having no recollection of it doesn't mean it didn't take place.」（p. 54）回到上面力量的示現是什麼回事呢？卡氏說：

"Simple. So simple that it's scary," he confided. "We think that sorcery is scary because of its malignancy. The sorcery I encountered is not malignant at all, and because of that, it's the scariest thing there is."

"I am talking about a force, an entity, a presence which is neither a force nor an entity nor a presence," he explained with an angelic smile. "Sounds like gibberish, but it isn't. I am referring to something that only sorcerers know about. They call it spirit. Our personal watcher, our perennial 長年的 witness." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 84)

後來不久兩人同行趨車前往「巫士之家」，通常卡氏帶其他人來時必須得到開通通知才行進入「巫士之家」，否則就一直迷路，這開通的知會是會見到一個人在揮手，但卡氏錯過了，不過終於還是抵達。這批巫士前輩跟門徒弟子終於又在見面。說到為何小佛琳達所知的 Mariano Aureliano，會是卡氏筆下的 Juan Matus（BBC 英國人唸「馬吐斯」），而 Carlos Castaneda 也不僅僅是 Joe Cortez，還是 Charlie Spider、Isidoro Baltazar，哲那羅（Genaro Flores）做了解釋：

Different names for different situation." Mr. Flores recited the answer as if it were a slogan.

"The reason I only have one name is that I am not a nagual."（p. 102）

（唐望對小佛琳達說）"I'm Juan Matus for Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達 . For you, I'm the nagual Mariano Aureliano." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 104)

Naguel 是每一世代巫士群組的首領，也是精神中心，所以一位 nagual 有多麼特別與重要，不僅是可以視情況有許多名字，還有一件事情是一修所忽略的，《寂靜的知識》所傳達的「抽象核心」，是唐望傳承只針對掌門人也就是 nagual 的教示，不是其他門徒可以接觸到的，因此在這代 nagual 卡斯塔尼達去世後，「抽象的核心」剩下的項目，將成為永遠的謎。

2009/06/30 Tue, sunny, outdoor 36-32°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：「該死的老王」

後來在《Being-in-Dreaming》中提到 dreaming、awake，應該分屬做夢與日常清醒兩種狀態，巫士做夢者所進入的是第三種，稱 dreaming-awake，這裡多了dash，就詞義上便不屬於後位修飾而是複合詞，dreaming-awake 還有一個條件叫 you are not asleep，如果是這樣，我從來沒有 dreaming-awake 過，我是 dreaming awake。

唐望評論說卡氏看透（see through）小佛琳達及整件事，但不夠徹底，因為卡氏沒有察覺是唐望將小佛琳達送到他面前，唐望對小佛琳達說：

"It wasn’t really I who sent you to him. It was the spirit. The spirit does me to do its bidding, thought, and I blew you to him when you were most powerful, in the midst of your dreaming-awake. Perhaps your dreaming-awake power was the reason Isidoro Baltazar（卡氏）didn't realize who you were, even though he was seeing." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 106)

接下來唐望解釋一位巫士跟一位 leader 的區別：

"Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達 is a sorcerer. To be a man of knowledge is something else. For that, sorcerers have to wait sometimes a lifetime."

"A man of knowledge is a leader. Sorcerers need leaders to lead us into and through the unknown. A leader is revealed through his actions. Leader have no price tag on their heads, meaning that there is no way to buy them or bribe them or cajole them or mystify them."

"Naguals are, then, natural leaders, men of tremendous energy, who become sorcerers by adding one more track to their repertoire 全部技能: the unknown. If those sorcerers succeed in becoming men of knowledge, then there is practically no limit to what they can do." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 106)

小佛琳達為我們女性問到女人可否成為 nagual，但唐望不讓她問完便肯定地說：「Women, as you will learn someday, can do infinitely mor complex things than that.」（p. 107）唐望的意思不是否定女性，這在魯宓曾經翻譯的三位女門徒的採訪中，說到 nagual 是個服侍的僕人，原來中譯出自魯宓的網站，不過都被撤掉了。

答：首先，我們要澄清一點，卡羅斯•卡斯塔尼達所稱為 nagual 唐望馬特斯的那個人，我們對他都有不同的稱呼：梅爾契亞•奎茲克，約翰，邁可•阿貝拉，以及馬里安諾•奧瑞里安諾。為了避免混淆，我們總是叫他老 nagual；不是因為年紀，而是因為他的資深，以及更重要的，區分他與新 nagual 卡羅斯•卡斯塔尼達。

 

答：我們所接受的教導與卡羅斯•卡斯塔尼達的大不相同，原因很簡單，我們是女人。我們有男人沒有的器官：卵巢與子宮，極為重要的器官。老 nagual 對我們的教導是純粹的行動。

 

答：在老 nagual 的傳承中，男女性巫士之間的區別是天下最簡單的一件事。像世上所有女人，我們有一個子宮。我們的器官不同於男人：根據巫士的說法，卵巢與子宮使女人很容易進入奇異的意識領域中。巫士說由於女性的身體內有子宮，她們能夠把聚合點移動到新的位置上。

巫士說由於男性的生殖器官是在身體之外，男人沒有像女人一樣的能力。因此，要巫士去抹煞或忽略這種能量的區別是很荒謬的。觀察男性與女性巫士在社會上的行為，也會得到同樣的結果。能量上的區別使男性與女性的行為有所差異。在巫士的情況中，這些差異是互補的。女性巫士移動聚合點的偉大能力可以當做男性行動的基礎，男性的行動則有較佳的耐力與堅定不移的使命感。（女門徒訪談）

好了，以上是對於女人有子宮的補述，接下來才是女人可否成為 nagual：

問：卡羅斯卡斯塔尼達是新的 nagual。這對於妳們女性有什麼意義？女人能不能成為 nagual？ 

答：這只意味著卡羅斯•卡斯塔尼達是我們的顧問，我們的律師，知道如何簽署與「無限」有關的文件。他是我們有關「無限」的法律顧問。當然女人也可以做同樣的事，但是，如巫士的俗語，如果我們可以躺著做，為什麼要站起來呢？要成為 nagual 這樣的顧問是件麻煩的事。老 nagual 常開玩笑說，身為一個 nagual 就像做一個僕人。「該死的老王，去廚房替我拿鹽來。我太累了，爬不起來。」當然，老王就必須起來去廚房拿鹽。（女門徒訪談）

"I'm trying to instruct you." Clara insisted. "This is a dream, and we are certainly talking in your dream, because I am also dreaming your dream." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 117)

2009/07/01 Wed, sunny, outdoor 34-32°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：dreaming-awake 即強化意識

Being-in-Dreaming 這本書四年多前看的，又懶得查字典，當時體會不多，當然現在也是，或者對男女巫士各有不同教法，小佛琳達這本書幾乎沒有在學習什麼，因為她天生就會 dreaming-awake，沒有像卡氏需要什麼做夢七關，我想 dreaming-awake 已經是肉身做夢進入其他層面了，這是第四關，開什麼玩笑？我大概只有月前做夢跟清醒界線模糊那一整天比較有點接近而已，那意思就是我聽見或看見兩個層面的東西，當然不是同時，但是跨越界線非常模糊，致使我分不清剛剛經歷的是我的夢還是我的思想。

但是反觀小佛琳達 dreaming-awake 醒來時，卻是發現自己在某處睡覺，她的情況便像《力量的傳奇》裡的唐哲那羅，入睡跟醒來不是同一位置，雖然小佛琳達沒有交代任一細節。可能一開始她的覺察力不是那麼好，也一直分不清是在睡覺作夢還是真實發生。

至於我曾經摘過的，做夢者克萊拉告訴小佛琳達說：「Women need two of anything in order to solidify it. Two sights of something, two readings, two frights, etc. You and I have now met twice. Now I am solid and real.」（p. 115）上一次她們見面是在小佛琳達的「巫士野餐夢」。所以以我的出體經歷，我在「無偽裝地帶」的 partner 保守估計應該超過五十次了吧，當然更加 solid and real。這裡老佛琳達則跟小佛琳達說：「That's because you're a good dreamer. Your nightmares are real.」（p. 122）雖然我不明白她的夢魘都是真的是什麼意思？說的是那些鬼都是真的嗎？老佛琳達說：

"Events we live in everyday life are easy to recall. We have plenty of practice in doing that. But events lived in dreams are another story. We have to struggle very hard to bring them back, simply because the body stores them in different places."

"All that concerns you now is that remembering dreams has to do with physical pressure on the specific spot where that vision is stored. For instance, if you push your vagina 陰道 by putting pressure on your clitoris 陰蒂, you'll remember what Mariano Aureliano told you." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 126)

由於老佛琳達自稱是小佛琳達的媽媽不是做夢老師（dreaming teacher），所以點到為止，只說了：「Dreams are doors into the unknown. Naguals lead by means of dreams. And the act of dreaming with purpose is the art of sorcerers.」（p. 127）所以巫士野餐夢事實上是唐望幫助小佛琳達進入他們巫士成員的夢（helped you to get into dreams that all of us dreamed）。

小佛琳達在夢中所見的是克萊拉（Clara）、奈莉達（Nelida）、赫米林達（Hermelinda），team of dreamers，leader 是蘇麗卡 （Zuleica）。小佛琳達跟塔夏莎書中唯一的矛盾點是，奈莉達是塔夏莎的潛獵老師，塔夏莎繼承她的 last name 阿貝拉，事實上奈莉達是做夢者。克萊拉要小佛琳達「to see them or dream of them one more time in order to solidify my knowledge of them」（p. 127），照此我一天當中夢到南開師連續兩次，已經可以 solidify and make real。

接下來進入第十章。小佛琳達做夢中又跟 Esperanza 碰面，這次碰面比較特別，是 Esperanza 在虛空中的一間小屋「閉關」，要能過到那間小屋，有一位 caretaker 男巫士（我現在忘記他是誰）必須幫她鋪路才能過去，所謂鋪路是倒一些灰在路徑兩側。

"You shouldn't have any problems," she said, "Get in the track of dreams; you're dreaming-awake now."

"You mean that I am asleep now, this very instant?" I asked. "Are you asleep, too?"

"We are not asleep," she repeated, "You and I are dreaming-awake." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 150)

由上段對白可以確定 dreaming-awake 必須是沒在睡著（not asleep），小佛琳達真是資優生，但也坦承：「The distinction between being awake and dreaming-awake still eluded me, yet I was certain that its meaning had nothing to do with our ordinary way of understanding awareness.」（p. 151）

"I've already told you, you're not asleep. You are dreaming-awake."

"Your confusion," she continued, "originates with your facility to move from one state of awareness into the other with great ease. If you had struggled, like everybody else does, to attain smooth transitions, then you would know that dreaming-awake is not just hypnosis. Dreaming-awake is the most sophisticated state human can attain." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 151)

原因出在 dreaming 這個字使得 dreaming-awake 如此難以理解，後來我看到下一章，dreaming-awake 就是強化意識（heightened awareness）的同義詞。小佛琳達跟卡氏抱怨槁不懂什麼叫 dreaming-awake：

"I don't know what they did to me," I said. "I'm not quite sure whether I'm awake or dreaming even now. 老 Florinda kept telling me that I was dreaming-awake."

Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達  nodded, then said softly, "The nagual Juan Matus refers to it as heightened awareness." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 167)

See? 我們跟小佛琳達一樣恍然大悟，可能她那時還沒悟，巫士老師用了很多詞來解釋同樣的事情，就跟我們讀佛書一樣，經常以詞害意，或陷在拗口的詞句中，說來那都是不必要的。我更沒強化意識的經驗，又沒有老師來拍我右肩胛骨。

 2006/07/04 07:11PM

2009/07/02 Thur, cloudy, outdoor 28-34°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：巫士照樣享受過日子

搞半天，昨天我才發現 dreaming-awake 是潛獵者的事，做夢者只要 dreaming 就可以了，真是 what a relief!

這段先跳到十二章，小佛琳達的做夢老師蘇麗卡上場，這部份是小佛琳達回到 LA 後回憶起跟卡氏來到「巫士之家」所損失的十天，因為當她離開時以為才過了兩天。因為這時天幾乎都是在強化意識——也就是 dreaming-awake 狀態度過的。這說明 dreaming-awake 確實跟 dreaming 不同，做夢者不會忘記在 dreaming 發生的事，潛獵者卻需要努力才能回想起 dreaming-awake 中的事件。在小佛琳達的那十天當中，蘇麗卡跟她解釋巫士聯考志願分組：

After I had met and interacted with all the women, they explained to me the difference between the dreamers and the stalkers. They called it the two planets. Florinda, Carmela, Zoila, and Delia were stalkers: forceful beings with a great deal of physical energy; go-takers; inexhaustible workers; specialists on that extravagant state of awareness they called dreaming-awake.

The other planet—the dreamers—was composed of the other four women: Zulica, Nelida, Hermilinda, and Clara. They had more ethereal 飄逸的 quality. It was not that their energy was simply less apparent. They projected a sense of otherworldliness even when engaged in the most mundane activities. They were the specialists on another peculiar 獨特的 state of awareness they called "dreaming in worlds other than this world." I was told that this was the most complex state of awareness women could reach. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 190)

Dreaming in worlds other than this world，「做夢到其他世界」必須要成為一種意識狀態嗎？應該是一種存在層面，不一定叫一個世界。不過做夢者達不到 dreaming-awake 也沒關係，能夠「做夢到其他世界」已經難能可貴了。

When the dreamer and the stalkers worked together, the stalkers were like a protective, hard, outer layer that hid a deep core. The dreamers were that deep core; they were like a soft matrix that cushioned the hard, outer layer. (p. 190)

BBC 的影片最後段抨擊從卡氏住處扔出的垃圾中，不乏設計師品牌的高檔服飾還有其他奢侈品，說顯然卡氏並不像他所宣稱的過儉樸的生活。我覺得這是對巫士生活的一大誤解。照小佛琳達所回憶，這些巫士照樣吃飯、娛樂、過日子，只不過是處在另種意識狀態與層面，因此整個房子看起來像是沒有人用過，也沒有聽到聲音看見人影。除了我們知道在《巫士的穿越》中克萊拉有自己一間練功房，她有練武術；這裡小佛琳達則說 Teresa 是一個水墨畫家，她每天傍晚都等好幾鐘頭等待適當的光線作畫。因此她回憶起自己在「巫士之家」被盛情接待：

During those days in the witches' house, I was taken care of as I were their most precious concern; they cosseted縱容and fussed 過分關心over me as if I were a baby. They cooked me my favorite foods; they made me the most elegant and well-fitting clothes I had ever had. They showed me with presents, outright silly things and valuable jewels, which they put away, waiting for the day I would wake up, they said. (Being-in-Dreaming, pp. 190-191)

這麼一大家子巫士男女總要生活，當然潛獵者要去賺錢養活做夢者，當然做夢者可以先去預測股市漲到幾千點，唐望不是說他還玩股票嗎？買點設計師服飾跟奢侈品有什麼好大驚小怪的。以大圓滿行者來說，物質享受並非罪惡，大成就者更是可以穿金戴玉，但是毫無貪婪之心。幾天前聽（南開諾布仁波切的兒子）益西南開仁波切網路開示，他說報身層次已經超越好或壞，不能說好或說壞，所以說「享受」。

“報身”是這個世界的真正主人，享受的是主人。“報身”是“功德成就”。報身的成就才能帶動法身成就、化身成就。各位都是報身，“盡此一報身，同生極樂國”。這個“報身”修不出去，永遠也沒有化身成就。報身佛是“樂”的主人，是世界的宰主，是正定享受，是娑婆世界的真正主人。整個娑婆世界，包括天王也受之約束。 （〈般若波羅蜜多心經〉淺釋-凈慧法師講述）

所以生存在其他層面的巫士男女們為何不能享用物質世界的一切呢？況且卡氏的版費是好幾億耶，花也花不完，奧修都七台勞斯萊斯了，雖然卡氏自己跟女巫士們會飛才不用買私人飛機。秋竹仁波切早年台灣北中南加花蓮各地道場奔波，都是自己開克萊斯勒，他還蠻懷念那台一個手指頭就可以轉動的方向盤呢！要求靈性導師過儉樸禁欲的生活，那是狹隘的凡夫知見。哪一尊報身佛不穿金帶銀的？何況金剛乘又不是出離道，那是顯宗的作法。

"Time passes differently in the socerers' world," Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達 said. "And one experiences it differently." He went on to say that one of the most difficult aspects of his apprenticeship was to deal with sequences of events in terms of time. "Only now, with the nagual's help, do I remember aspects and events of his teachings that took place years age, " he said.

"How does he help you?" I asked. "Does he hypnotize you?"

"He makes me shift levels of awareness," he said. "And when he does, it is not only that I remember past events, but I relive them." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 168)

至於如何讓他改變意識狀態，當然就是唐望經常用的一招：拍卡氏的右肩胛骨，讓他進入強化意識。

2009/07/03 Fri, cloudy/raining, outdoor 30°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：concrete 與 possibilities

昨天講到唐望拍卡氏右肩胛讓他進入強化意識狀態給予教授，但是門徒自己要能靠自己進入這種狀態，訓練成熟的巫士，「Sorcerers are experts at shifting levels of awareness.」（p. 168）有點像 Sherman 找來的做夢第七關：「The seventh gate of Dreaming is crossed when you can jump back and forth between the silence of your first and second attention, at will, with the totality of your being.」卡斯塔尼達解釋說：

"Sorcerers make one see that the whole nature of reality is different from what we believe it to be; that is, from what we have been taught it to be. Intellectually, we are willing to tease ourselves which the idea that culture predetermines who we are, how we believe, what we willing to know, what we are able to feel. But we are not willing to embody this idea, to accept it as a concrete, practical proposition. And the reason for that is that we are not willing to accept that culture also predetermines what we are able to perceive." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 168)

嗯怎麼聽起來很像南開諾布仁波切所開示的內容？

因此當我們談論開悟眾生，我們說法報化三身。Dharma 是所有現象，本質是空性沒有任何 concrete。Dharmadhatu 法界 means condition，所以法身意指所有現象的本質。因為具有無限潛力可以有任何顯現，但是需要 助緣，就跟鏡子反射同樣原理，這稱為報身，就是反射的潛力；另外化身，是指 impure vision 像佛陀的示現，二元 vision，雖然他已開悟，但為了給予教法而投生為人，才能跟人接觸。化身總是在 impure vision。報身層次以壇城跟本尊示現不過是象徵，使用那樣的象徵來溝通此知識。在經教系統，都是佛陀親傳，學習阿毘達摩的人會相信那樣的說法，這會跟時輪金剛所描述的地球不同。為何佛陀解釋不同呢？因為佛陀根據不同的眾生溝通。但所有現象都是 unreal。（2009/06/06 南開諾布仁波切網路開示，聽講筆記）

 

我舉過鏡子的例子，鏡子有反射的潛能可以顯現一切，我們的本性就像鏡子的潛能，透過反射我們可以理解它，但反射是 unreal，有時理解是在心智層面而非真實經驗，仍然認為事物是 concrete 的，reflections 就像 objects，鏡子的反射跟鏡子反射的潛能有何關係？鏡子反射跟助緣（secondary cause）有關，我們的心也是如此，所以對心的層面不用太重視。有些傳統對心比較重視，生起（development）次第就跟心智層面有關，我們總是在思考，比如我們觀察壇城長什麼樣，然後觀想本尊有幾頭幾臂，這一切都像堆砌觀想，直到完整建構出來，然後才在明性中休息（relax in clarity），這個就是禪觀 （contemplation）。（2009/06/15 南開諾布仁波切網路開示，聽講筆記）

唐望知識認知體系也認為一切顯像只是聚合點將放射能量聚合詮釋而成的，我們人類之所以共感一個世界，是因為聚合點設定的關係。卡氏繼續說明：

"Sorcery makes us aware of different realities, different possibilities, not only about the world but also about ourselves, to the extent that we no longer are able to believe in even the most solid assumptions about ourselves and our surroundings." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 168) 

這個 different possibilities，可以說是一種潛能，聚合點既然可以聚合出人類共享的這個世界，當然也可以聚合出其他未知的世界，且以我們不熟悉的方式顯現：

在鏡中有各種反射，但鏡子反射潛力跟反射物無關，我們瞭解這個就自反射中解脫。這就是大圓滿教法。另外有用水晶礦石做例子，我們本性就跟純粹的水晶一樣，所以才說空性，但仍然具有各種潛力，潛力會顯現成各種樣貌，就像我們使用明點在上師瑜伽觀想中，它的五色就代表無限的（顯現）潛力。本初佛說 total tigle（明晰球體、明體），beyond any 角，代表我們 total potentiality。就像鏡子反射的潛力，如果有助緣存在便有顯現。（2009/06/06 南開諾布仁波切網路開示，聽講筆記） 

因此：

To a sorcerer, perception can go beyond these agreed-upon parameters. These parameters are constructed and buttressed by words, by language, by thoughts. That is, by agreement. Sorcerers do agree, but their agreement is different. Sorcerers break the normal agreement, not only intellectually but also physically or practically or whatever one wants to call it. Sorcerers collapse the parameters of socially determined perception, and to understand what sorcerers mean by that, one has to become a practitioner. That is, one has to be committed; one has to lend the mind as well as the body. It has to be a conscious, fearless surrender. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 169)

2009/07/04 Sat, sunny/cloudy/raining, outdoor 26-32°C  Being-in-dreaming means to perceive energy directly

在我手邊一份 Dimensions 雜誌 1992 年 2 月號採訪作者小佛琳達這本書，小佛琳達提到 dreaming-awake 就是 second attention，真是一日三變啊，我以為做夢注意力是第二注意力的前身，跟強化意識是第二注意力的前身一樣（我找找看網路還有沒有）：

FLORINDA D: In the traditional sense, when we fall asleep, as soon as we start entering a dream, in that moment when we're half awake and half asleep, and still conscious, you know from Castaneda's work that the assemblage point flutters, it starts shifting, and what the sorcerer wants to do is that he wants to use that natural (that happens to every one of us) shift to move into other realms. And for that you need an exquisite energy. Again it comes down to energy. We need an extraordinary amount of energy because you want to be conscious of that moment and use it without waking up.

 

FLORINDA D: For me, it's very easy to enter, to use it. The thing is, I had no control at that time- although I have now- over when it was going to happen. But I could center into this state of what they call...I mean, the women were not interested in calling it the 'second attention'; they were interested in calling it 'dreaming-awake', because it is the same thing. And you'd reach different levels, and what you do is that in that dreaming state eventually you have the same control you have in your daily life. And that's exactly what the sorcerers do. It's the same thing; there's no difference anymore. (Dimension, 1992/02)

這部分對熟悉唐望知識的讀者已經不是新鮮的內容了，但對於沒有此經驗的人談論第二注意力或 dreaming-awake 也令巫士詞窮。採訪者問小佛琳達此時能夠同時存在於另一個實相嗎？這就好比問主法上師是否真的同時經驗到另個實相的本尊壇城一樣，小佛琳達說：「Yes and no. It's not quite right to really say that, because it is one reality. There is no difference. Let's say there are different layers, like an onion. But it's all the same. And it becomes very bizarre. How am I going to talk about it? In metaphors? Our metaphors are already so defined by what we already know.」

FLORINDA D: You see we don't have the language to really talk about what then really happens when you are in the 'second attention', or when we 'dream awake' . Bul it is as real as any other reality. What is reality? It is, again, a consensus. And you see, the thing is, we only want to agree about this intellectually on one level. But it's more than just an intellectual agreement. Let's say, it can be more. And forthat, again, we go back to that same thing- it all hinges on energy. (Dimension, 1992/02)

跟許多同時擁有淨觀與不淨觀（clear / unclear visions）的人來說，雖然他們用不淨代表我們這個物質實相，用淨代表本尊或報身層次的實相，如果其他實相也是一樣真實或一樣虛幻，說一個淨、一個不淨也是沒有道理的，不過是區別一些具有 high capacity 的人所見的境界，但描述也是同樣困難。

灌頂（initiation），mentally we transform our idea, all teachers, student transformed, into pure vision，所以上師引介壇城，也就是 轉化的本尊。例如五元素轉化為五佛，在壇城來說就具有 five figures，學生接受灌頂並學會應用這種方法。不過中脈、氣、脈輪都屬於轉化，有時透過吟唱咒語， 達到真實狀態：大手印（mahamudra）。金剛乘一般來說是要達到大手印狀態，需要透過一位老師具有淨觀（pure vision）。Our energy is our real nature，能量在淨觀層面。（2009/06/05 南開諾布仁波切網路開示，聽講筆記）

我們可能沒興趣繼續研究第二注意力或強化意識或者 dreaming-awake，不如談談這本書 Being-in-Dreaming，魯宓翻成「夢的存在」真是有待商榷，Being 不是一直都指「存在」或「存有」好嗎？就好像劉家昌一首歌〈在雨中〉，Being-in-Dreaming 就是「一直在夢中」嗎？精確來說是「一直處在做夢的藝術的知覺狀態」。

Is lucid dreaming something similar to being-in-dreaming?

Florinda: In Carlos' books, he talks a great deal about what the sorcerers call the "assemblage point." Perception takes place wherever that assemblage point becomes static. The greatest accomplishment of our human upbringing is to lock our assemblage point on its habitual position. Once immobilized there, our perception can be walked and guided to interpret what we perceive. We learn to perceive in terms of our system first; then in terms of our senses.  

In dreaming, one sees the body as a luminous egg of energy. The assemblage point shifts inside the egg and assembles different perceptions; perceptions produced by the energy filaments that traverse the egg. In dreaming, prior to that moment that one falls asleep, the assemblage point starts to flutter. The sorcerer tries to control where that assemblage point fixes itself. The sorcerer is interested in manipulating it and using it at will. Someone who is adept at lucid dreaming can go into their dream and totally control it. And that is exactly what don Juan wants to do. Through dreaming it's possible to accomplish the ultimate goal of sorcery: to liberate perception from its social bindings in order to perceive energy directly. (Florinda Donner, Radio Interveiw, 1993)

南開諾布仁波切說大乘比較著重在身體的層面，而金剛乘則著重於能量的層面，但此層面一般人並看不見摸不著，所以才需要一位擁有這個層面淨觀能力的上師，直到弟子也能夠熟習這個層面的運作為止。南開師說：「金剛乘重視能量，因為那是我們顯現的潛力。」（2009/06/07 南開諾布仁波切網路開示，聽講筆記）

2009/07/05 Sun, sunny/cloudy/raining, indoor 29.1-30.4°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：You have to close the door behind you

今天繼續摘《Being-in-Dreaming》，做夢中。下次我網站 slogan 要把 dreaming awake 換成「做夢中」，所以我說了什麼、做了什麼一概不負責。

"With sorcerers, however, the common sense we are accustomed to is no longer in operation," he stressed. "They have another kind of common sense, because they have other kinds of subjective states."

"You mean that they are like beings from another planet?" I asked.

Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達 laughed. "Yes. They are like beings from another planet."

"Is that why they are so secretive?"

"I don't think secretive is the right term," he remarked thoughtfully. "They deal differently with the everyday world. Their behavior appears secretive to us because we don't share the same meaning, and since we don't have any standards to measure what is common sense to them, we opt for believing that their behavior is secretive."

"They do whatever we do: they sleep, they cook their meals, they read," I interjected. "Yes I could never catch them in the act. Believe me, they are secretive."

Smiling, he shook his head. "You saw what they wished you to see," he insisted. "And yet they weren't hiding anything from you. You couldn't see. That's all." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 166)

這說明小佛琳達沒有能力看到唐望同夥巫士生活的層面，而並非他們要保持秘密行。說的也像藏密修行者一樣，當然後者對於不適當的人是應該要對自己所作所為所修保密，倒不是行為本身有何秘密，而是解釋起來有點複雜，不是一般人能夠懂也能夠接受，譬如說修施身法（斷法或決法 chod），要半夜去墳場觀想把自己剁了來煮甘露湯，上供下施，主要用以去除對於肉身的貪執，當然還有克服最深的恐懼：就是死亡。那怎麼跟父母解釋說我半夜要去墳場修法？算了吧，不如不說。

下面一段正好呼應今天 Sherman 所摘葛吉夫的一段：「第四道與其他道之不同在於它對人要求的原則是瞭解。人必須不做任何他不瞭解的事，除非有老師指導與監督下的實驗。一個人對其所爲瞭解越多，他努力的結果便越大，這是第四道的一個基本原則，工作的結果與工作的意識狀態成正比。」卡斯塔尼達也說：

Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達 went on to say that the world of sorcerers is a sophisticated world, that it wasn't enough to understand its principles intuitively. One also needed to assimilate 吸收理解 them intellectually. "Contrary to what people believe," he explained, "Sorcerers are not practitioners of obscure esoteric 密傳的 rituals 儀式 but stand ahead of our times. And the mode of our time is reason. We are reasonable men as a whole. Sorcerers , however, are men of reason, which is a different matter altogether. Sorcerers have a romance with ideas; they have cultivated reason to its limits, for they believe that only by fully understanding the intellect can they embody the principles of sorcery differ drastically 徹底地 from us. We have very little sobriety 清明 and even less integrity." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 170)

南開諾布仁波切開示中提到：「大圓滿的灌頂，就跟班若波羅蜜多沒人能解釋，就算你想解釋也找不到適當的語言文字來描述，金剛乘也是一樣，real nature of vajra 也是一樣，只能練習無法解釋。」但為何我們經常聽上師們開示教法呢？「因為上師有那樣的經驗，只能講講如何發現本性，這些經驗跟我們的人生經驗有關，……我們來介紹，不需要太多儀式。」（2009/06/14 網路開示，聽講筆記）小佛琳達還沒打算要加入巫士團體，或者不覺得加入有何好處，卡斯塔尼達對小佛琳達說：

"Yes, it has something very special to offer. It's called freedom. However, there's no guarantee that you'll succeed in attaining it. That any of us, for that matter, will succeed."

I nodded thoughtfully, then asked him what I had to do to convince him that I had indeed joined the sorcerers' world.

"You don't have to convince me. You have to convince the spirit. You have to close the door behind you."

"What door?"

"The one you still keep open. The door that will permit you to escape if things are not to your liking or don't fit your expectations. I will not convince you or anyone else. There will be no power in your decision if you need to be propped 支撐 up every time you falter or doubt. " (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 177)

我覺得卡氏這番話對想要在修行上拜師或入道的人有同樣參考的價值。不僅僅是因為什麼三昧耶戒不可以棄師背道，而是端賴我們修行的承諾有多強。這不是像談戀愛，女朋友不好再換一個，所以審慎觀察瞭解是必須的。我記得第一次去見秋竹仁波切說要皈依，當時也不懂什麼叫皈依，反正有人叫我去就去，他僅僅說：「晚上有課，來聽聽看喜不喜歡。」

2009/07/06 Mon, sunny/cloudy/raining, outdoor 35-31°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》：世俗勞務，藝術努力

Being-in-Dreaming 十三章說的是小佛琳達在卡斯塔尼達的 studio 睡覺時被茶壺燒水吵醒，她滿身大汗臭罵卡氏一頓，心中卻毫無瞋意，後來她還是奪門而出且注意要把門甩很大聲，開車去海邊吹風卻沒風可吹還下雨。後來她收拾收拾直接殺去巫士之家，雖然自己方向感很差卻記路分毫不差。她來到看似無人的巫士之家，待在上次招待的房間，聽見女巫士們輕聲笑語就是沒看見人，然而每天都有食物準備給她。一晚她聽見女巫士們在彼此取笑，罵些婊子等等很不堪的話。

Caretaker 跟小佛琳達講到，女巫士們本來將小佛琳達分類為潛獵者，因為她不費力可以進入 dreaming-awake 的狀態，而其是強化意識——潛獵者的專業我們說過了，所以為什麼她繼承了老佛琳達——唐望巫士團體頭號女潛獵者——的名號，在個性上也理應複製老佛琳達的完美無缺地沒耐性跟其他特質，譬如說美麗啦，除了身高以外：老佛琳達 5'11"，小佛琳達 5'2" 不到。Caretaker 說：

"Since your are not in the planet of the dreamers," he clarified, "your dreams are nightmares, and your transitions between dreams and reality are very unstable and dangerous to you and to the other dreamers. So 老 Florinda has taken in upon herself to buffer and protect you." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 200) 

小佛琳達書真的寫的不好，人家還沒講完她又發飆了說她不要聽：「I don't want to know anything else!」真是的，她不要聽我要聽啊，一打斷後面又不講了；然後下一章她自己回憶說一開始以為四個女做夢者巫士是潛獵者，然後也不講了，這已經是她第三本書了，總要把自己為什麼成為 Grau 家族的交代清楚吧？！（按：Grau 是「唐望集團」做夢者的 last name。）無論如何小佛琳達跟卡氏賭氣出走到巫士之家，雖然沒見到半個鬼在那，但也沒餓著，她回來 LA 後覺得：

It wasn't that I was suddenly a changed person, but rather there was a clear purpose to my existence. My fate was delineated 描述 for me: I had to struggle to free my energy. And that was that. Simplicity itself.

The nugual Isidoro Baltazar 卡斯塔尼達, nevertheless, warned me about the fallaciousness 謬誤 of clear-cut goals and emotionally charged realizations. He said that they were worthless, because the real arena 競技場 of a sorcerer is the day-to-day life, and there, superficial rationales fo not withstand pressure. (p. 211)

這個跟我最近哪裡看到的一樣，應該是唐望故事說到當你感動地以為瞭解了什麼的時候，事實上你什麼也沒瞭解。所以這種感動是不值錢的。在出體經驗當中我比較接近巫士的無情，什麼事情都不會讓我感動或觸動，不管是看到神聖光華也好，不管是誰說的一句什麼話也好，但我雖不會感動依然會發飆，唉，你確定我是做夢者嗎？

At the witches' house, I interacted with all the sorcerers of the nagual Mariano Aureliano's party 唐望團體. They didn't teach me sorcery or even dreaming. According to them, there was nothing to teach. They said that my task was to remember everything that had transpired between all of them and me during those initial times that we were together. In particular, I was to remember everything that Zuleica and Florinda did or said to me—but Zuleica had never talked to me. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 213)

這真是蠻慘的，一開頭「灌頂」（initiation）時什麼都教了、什麼都說了，你得好好去回憶。甚至女巫士還說記不得是你的事，我們沒有那個「印第安時間」理妳：

Whenever I tried to ask any of them for help, they outright refused to have anything to do with me. They all argued that, without the necessary energy on my part, all they would do would be to repeat themselves, and that they didn't have time for that. (Being-in-Dreaming, 213)

曾經有位想加入做夢者班的賽斯迷，跟我們組員們大吐自己的慘烈故事，無論是身或心都瀕臨崩潰解體，一來一往好多次，最後我說「沒有能量自己去找能量，談論無益」類似的話，還給了她相關資訊。過了好久一陣子，她像沒事一樣問我們怎麼不討論做夢了呢？我說因為我沒有寄給妳呀，她就沒再出現了。所以要加入做夢者班，首先自己要去節省能量來做夢並鍛鍊意識，除此多談無益。接下來是有解釋一點小佛琳達為何屬於做夢者，及唐望團體做夢者女巫士本來就不是潛獵者：

Via our daily interaction, however, I realized scores of things about their world. The dreamers and the stalkers embodied two modes of behavior among women, as different as they could be.

Initially, I wondered whether the group that was described to me as the dreamers—Nelida, Hermelinda, and Clara—were the actual stalkers. For as far as I could ascertain, my interaction with them was on a strictly everyday, worldly level. Only later did I fully realize that their mere presence elicited—without even any hint of it—a new modality of behavior on my part. That is , I felt no need to reassert myself with them.

It wasn't long before I realized that the women dreamers, by interacting with me on a worldly level, were giving me the necessary model to rechannel my energies. They wanted me to change the manner in which I focused on mundane matters such as cooking, cleaning, laundering, staying in school, or earning a living. There were to be done, they told me, under different auspices 贊助: they were no to be mundane chores but artful endeavors 努力, one as important as the other. (Being-in-Dreaming, pp. 213-214)

最後一段我畫了本書第一個星號，為什麼呢？做夢者要從日常練習開始，不是光顧著睡，唐望也說做夢練習要醒時來做。這跟南開諾布講的 four mindfulness：有四個時刻持續保持覺知，那就是吃、坐、走跟睡（eating, sitting, walking and sleeping）， 也是同理。更有甚者，人家做夢者洗衣、拖地、燒飯、上學、上班都要是「做夢的藝術」才行。

註一：在塔夏莎•阿貝拉《巫士的穿越》中說到，經由性交女性被植入明晰蠕蟲，除了成為男人子嗣親代辨識，更使女人成為男人的能量供應器。這個明晰蠕蟲需要停止性交七年，就會全部失效。詳細內容參閱〈巫士唐望的性觀點：迷戀激情與「明晰蠕蟲」〉